Just Do It :)

clickety click: who do you think you are?

My results:

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

hushhh!

i wish i was blind sometimes
or deaf
then maybe it would spare me
from the sights i would rather not see
or words i would rather not hear
i value i have the gift of senses
but sometimes, just sometimes,
the promise of blissful ignorance
is oh so tempting

have you ever accidentally stumbled upon something
which you wish you didn't?
only, its too late too turn back
your curiosity is already one step ahead of you
and before you even realize,
Pandora's box has already been opened.

"curiosity killed the cat, but the cat has nine lives"

on repeat: vanilla twilight

So my friend Jak recommended Owl City to me way back 

but it took time before he grew on me. 

So now after browsing Owl City's discography,

here's what caught my ears:

off the same album as Fireflies, Ocean Eyes:

Vanilla Twilight

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you dear, 
Cause I wish you were here.

I watch the night turn light blue, 
But it's not the same without you, 
Because it takes two to whisper quietly, 

The silence isn't so bad, 
Till I look at my hands and feel sad, 
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

(these are the lyrics which caught my ears

and made me look at the title of the song from iTunes

cheesy ain't it?)

I'll find opposing new ways, 
Though I haven't slept in two days, 
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight, 
I'll sit on the front porch all night, 
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past, 
I'd whisper in your ear, 
Oh darling I wish you were here.

THE BABE BIRTHDAY BASH

birthday babes

missing V

the birthday babes eds, chowie and ikay with doll face kate and kaye

with shobe jinice whom we miss dearly

i love how my friends got together :)

red drum missing pirate, zero and spin

missing bienie and manage

that night we gorged on

almond financiers, hazelnut truffle tarts, and

red velvet and chai latte cupcakes

white cheese and mozzarella pizza

and got started on vodka and bacardi 151

got welcomed by absinthe

got high on patron tequila

finished with grey goose

received some interesting presents

which deserve a post of their own ;)

thanks to the boys and bitches that came

i had a sinfully good time ;)

HAPPY!

HAPPY! maiden issue 2009

Guess who's in it?

click picture for a bigger image

the 411:

1. Full Name: Edellyn Villegas Amba

2. Nickname: Eds

3. Occupation: Artist

4. Age: 21

5. Did you always have this full figure? 

Yes, right off the bat when puberty hit, haha.

6. What was your childhood like with this figure? 

It felt like I was waiting for my normal body parts to arrive. I think everybody feels like that during puberty. Adapting to the physical changes is already a challenge but suddenly having enhanced curves in certain areas is,well, something else all together. When it came to choosing clothes, it helped that my mum was fashion conscious and provided me with tips but then, my mum was not full figured so her tips can only help as much. Reading teen magazines helped, too. It taught me other guidelines that I needed to know. But in the end, my mum's tips and magazines only gave me a general idea. It still boils down to using those tips as a base and giving them your own personal flavor to to develop one's personal style.

7. What challenges did you go through given this body type - with friends, finding what to wear, boys... etc.

When I was younger, everybody basically followed the low rise jeans + baby tee formula. Which, needless to say, did not fit my body type at all! That's what made me realize that I shouldn't just follow what everybody else is wearing. Another thing that that made me realize was how hard it actually was to find a good fitting pair of jeans. Thankfully boot cuts were making it back in the scene again, too. 

I've always love shopping, so entering my teens was a great excuse to do more of that. It proved a bit tedious though, as  the clothes and trends then leaned more towards the slim and petite. I couldn't wear most of them as it fitted me differently, thus the look didn't really come out as I imagined. It often left me frustrated and wishing I had less curves. But as I grew, observation taught me that Filipinas are naturally curvy, and I'm glad that the industry has finally acknowledged that by giving us more options. I'm so proud of how much our fashion industry has broadened since then.

8. How and what made you realize that having a voluptuous body is actually a blessing?

I think the appreciation comes as you mature. When I was younger, I used to consider it as my curse of curves. I just wanted none of it or as little of it as possible. I was still in the process of getting acquainted with my curves then, and figuring out how to 'deal' with them when my friends and I started going out to party. We'd always get dressed and made up in my room and occasionally trade clothes. Then the same thing occurred, only in reverse. My clothes fitted them differently, too. Then they voiced out that they wish they had the curves to fill out the dress like I do. That's when i finally saw the light and thought that 'hey,maybe this isn't so bad after all, no scratch that, this is actually kind of great!' 

9. Any words of advice/wisdom for other girls with the same body type.

Embrace it. There's no other way to go about it. A curse, a blessing, perspective is relative. Its not what you have but what you do with it. Plus, how many women go through surgeries just to get what you naturally have? As a movie aptly put, real women have curves.

10. Describe your signature style.

Generally my style is eclectic, occasionally eccentric. It also depends on my mood and where I'm going. One rule I now follow though is the rule of opposites; boy meets girl, casual chic; Always match something flowy with something tailored. Complete this formula with chunky accessories and beautiful shoes. Don't leave home without it.

11. Who are you favorite style celebrities and why? Give one or two.

Top of mind comes Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. They're such guilty pleasures. They have different tastes but I can relate to both of them. They're one of the perfect examples of my style philosophy. I love how they create hybrid styles like mixing rock and roll with boho chic. Although they're fraternal twins, their style is one of the elements that instantly establishes them as individuals.  

Another guilty pleasure would be Harajuku girls. And by Harajuku girls, I mean real, uber stylish girls that prowl the streets of Harajuku. They inspire me to be bold and different. Through them, I realized that fashion should be fun and expressive, inspiring even!

xo,

eds <3

It

Let me start by saying I Love You.

Fully, and with all honesty.

I say this as more than a part of our usual exchanges, casually thrown with such ease, but with heartfelt sincerity. Without you, I would be a far different person from who I am now, maybe even less.

That is why I feel that I owe you my honesty.

I feel disconnected to you lately. Cold. I would not use the "its not you, its me" (or vice versa) cliche, I have to much respect for it than that. Yes, it. Because we are more than you and me, but less than us. So I shall settle with it.

To say that I do not miss you would be a terrible lie. Whether we like it or not, we are a part of each other. Your presence is enough to make me feel that someday, I can be great, I am great. You challenge me and inspire me to be better. You remind me that the highest hurdle is the present me. And in order to succeed, I must surpass whoever I am today. Together, we are a force to be reckoned with, not invincible, but close enough. Together, we can conquer the universe.

I've been in a dilemma for 11 months now. 317 agonizing days of arguing with myself. Its been a tricky push-pull, on again, off again kind of thing, and I think the elastics holding me together is just about to snap and my bulb is just about to burn out. One month short of a year was enough to teach me that things happen, shit happens, it happens. Whether we mean for it to happen or not, the point still is, it has already happened and sometimes, we just can't help how we feel. I spend eleven months too long being apologetic for it. So now, I shall relish this moment, even just this once, to be honest with myself about how I feel towards it, towards everything.

Would feeling this way towards it make me a bad person? Would being just a little less apologetic for it make me worse? I don't know. But I do know one thing: that this is how I honestly feel.

I wanted to feel numb all this time. Ignoring the small, petty things, the slightly bigger ones that should matter, shoving them into one big "Forget File" I store at the dark, dark corners of my mind. It put up a fight, but I shoved it there until the pain, until everything, was swept under the rug. Then I waited, waited for the darkness to consume it until what remained was nothing more than a dull thudding ache.

I couldn't name it at first, counldn't fully talk about it without being vague. I feared that acknowledging it would only breathe into life the monsters in my head. And saying it out loud would only affirm its existence.

In the midst of my musing over this blog though, and alternately juggling it with my other accounts, it seems like the universe heard, and it has answered, and the medium? Need you even ask?

Facebook says: "you can't change the past, but you can change the way you feel about it"

I guess that made sense. I've always believed that instead of grieving for the things you cannot change, strive to improve the things you can. So instead of grieving for things that were and things that never were, I will just smile. Smile and love.

I believe, there is no such word as loved. Once you love something, you'll always love it, else, it was not love to begin with. Love is infinite, it can transform and evolve but not run out. Never run out. If you find yourself out of love, better check your pulse. Just to be sure.

I feel the only right way to end this entry is by saying

I Love You.

Through and through.

Maybe a little different than how I did before, but the fact is, I still do.

burning out

I don't wanna take a step back, but I'm running on emptiness. We're just no longer on the same track and it's killing me in every way.

You take me in; shut me out, you're breaking me down. Tell me that I'm the one but I see through your lies. It's all misleading, you keep me bleeding, it's like I'm burning out, burning out.

You're making me feel so alone. Baby just let me let go cause I just can't escape your ghost. The fire you started once is now burning out, burning out.

I'm burning out, burning out
I just fade away
We're burning out, burning out
We keep for burning out, burning out

I can't find myself leaving. And it hurts with every breath I take that I will never know the feeling of you loving me the same way.

Have you ever even noticed all the pain when you look into my eyes? Tell me, have you ever even thought about that I'm burning, I'm burning out

You're making me feel so alone. Baby just let me let go cause I just can't escape your ghost

The fire you started once is now burning out

Burning out; Tata Young

Make me stop listening to this song!

dearest alex

(Alexander McQueen Fall 08)

(Alexander Mc Queen 10-inch high heels)

Dearest Alexander,

Once upon a time, I loved you.

When you spun dreams of tulle not tragedy.

Where hast my Indian princesses donning ball gowns in winter gone?

What happened to their bejeweled feet?

Now all I am left with are elephant feet and wistful memories

With a broken heart, i bid thee farewell

in hopes that spring/summer shall ressurect my love for you.


in the mean time, yours truly is smitten with another Alexander
with the same initials as fall/winter.

word vomit

harsh words
and negative gossips
are like vomit
you can never swallow it back

disco.nnection.no.tice

Maybe its the sound of the rain softly pelting against the window.
Maybe its the way the chandelier bathed everything in a warm glow,
sharply contrasting against the chill brought by the weather.
Or maybe, its cause of something I saw which I just wish I didn't
coupled with this stupid song I have on repeat.


The grass withers

and the tears of the sky turn to ice

as our paths intertwine.


I tread carefully upon the floe,

Careful not to disrupt its fragile surface.

Underneath, the river's water rage.


On tipped toes, I danced around you.

A ballerina's routine.

Calm, composed, calculated.


The music mutes the audience

that comprises only of you

One drop and the spell is broken



Sometimes I want to just do as I please just to spite you.
But the thing is, I love you too much for that.

golden honey

Everybody knows that girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice.

But once upon a time,there was a spice shortage in girly land. So they had to make do and just added more everything nice and a jar of honey for that batch.

And out of that batch, came one little girl named Gold.

And no other name could've suited her more.

This Gold is not the luxurious kind of gold, encrusting precious stones and gems.This Gold is more like honey, all rich and warm.

The kind of honey you put on your tea or drizzle generously on your pancakes on bright, sunshine-y mornings. The kind of Gold no sweet tooth like me can ever resist.

So when she asked for my help to pick out a dress for her brother's wedding I was only too happy to oblige. :)

Don't fret, precious: "Am i really wearing this?"

Meet Gold, or Goldie, to me and Dalton.She really wanted to be pretty for her brother's wedding. So we opted for a dress :)

"My first dress in a long while"

Receiving gratitude from another person is always a wonderful reward.But getting to see her eyes light up when we found the perfect dress was another high all together.

Gold with her now sister - in - law
getting prepped up for the wedding.
photo credits: Shaira Luna

Having the opportunity of helping a genuinely nice person like Gold gave me a glimpse of what it must feel like to be a fairy godmother.

Dust Gatherers

Forgetfulness

Forgetfulness and selfishness.

I think the problem with people is that they tend to forget. They forget and yet are too selfish for their own good.

Why do people always feel the incessant, needless urge to to stake claim? Why must we label the things we enjoy, cherish, adore, lust after, the things that make us happy as ours? Can we not find contentment in having to have experienced it?

Everything in this world is temporary and borrowed; but most of the time, we forget. We forget because we are too preoccupied with scheming and planning on how we make it ours and stake claim.

But after that, then what?

Another stripe

Another notch on the bedpost

Another frame on the wall.

Then you move on, another conquest awaits.

And the apple of your eye then turn into just another dust gatherer, waiting, lurking, in the dark corners of your room.

cotton candy crush

I Love Candy by 88blackrose88

Sometimes crushes are like cotton candy - they look yummy and totally tempting,
but when you actually got a taste, there's not much there.
Suddenly, you're left with disappointment and no crush.
Sometimes, a crush should stay a crush, and live as a delicious daydream.
That way, you'll always have someone to think about as you drift off to sleep...

sketch

There is no means of testing which decision is better,
because there is no basis for comparison.
We live everything as it comes, without warning,
like an actor growing on cold.
And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?
That is why life is always like a sketch.
No, "sketch" is not quite the word,
because a sketch is an outline of something,
the groundwork for a picture,
whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing,
an outline with no picture.

- an excerpt from Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being

erase, rewind/forward

"There is a way to be good again."
- The Kite Runner

It was during my senior year when I first heard about The Kite Runner. A friend's sister commented on a poem I wrote asking if it was from the novel. I watched it last weekend and finally understood why she asked such about my poem. (which I shall post after i grab it from my former blog)

It was almost like another take on Cain and Abel, but I shall save the movie review for another post. For now, the movie was a nice reminder that we might not be able to erase the mistakes we have committed in the past, but we can always start anew and correct them.

On the opposite coast of sadness

Only Human

Lyrics: Osanai Mai Translation: Jonathan Wu

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile
But before we can go there,
is there something we’re waiting for?

In order to chase our dreams, we can’t have a reason to run away
We’ve got to go, to that far away summer’s day

If we find it tomorrow, we can’t sigh
Because like a boat that opposes the stream
we have to walk straight on

In a place worn down by sadness
something called a miracle, is waiting
Yet we are still searching
for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring

The warrior who awaits the morning light
before he can clasp it with red nails, his tears glitter and fall

Even if we’ve grown used to loneliness
only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wing
just go foward, just a little further

As the rainclouds break
the wet streets sparkling
Although it brings only darkness
A powerful, powerful light
helps push us to walk on

i stumbled upon this music video today

by a japanese artist named K.

the lyrics are very poetic

and creates dream like images in my head.

K's voice is filled with a sadness that is haunting,

i couldn't help gravitate towards it.

and my sad song addiction continues

8 years and 3 months to go or why life begins at 30

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30

By 30, you should have:


1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
13. The belief that you deserve it.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that
do get better.

By 30, you should know:

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
2. How you feel about having kids.
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
8. How to take control of your own birthday.
9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
15. Why they say life begins at 30.

SOURCE: glamour.com/magazine

Au Revoir, Aout

Dearest August,

You came and went.

You took along with you a lolo and a friend.

You came in and gave me good byes,

but you brought along some new beginnings, too.

Is this what you're teaching me, August, independence and letting go?

Thank you for being generous enough to throw in some courage, too.

I needed that.

Now that you've passed and left me at September's hands,

would it be such a bother to ask for a bit more Courage... or maybe lots, if you can help it.

xo,

Eds

a secret about a secret

Photograph by: Inez van Lam Sweerde

a photograph

is a secret

about a secret

the more it tells you,

the less you know

- Diane Arbus