It felt like I was waiting for my normal body parts to arrive. I think everybody feels like that during puberty. Adapting to the physical changes is already a challenge but suddenly having enhanced curves in certain areas is,well, something else all together. When it came to choosing clothes, it helped that my mum was fashion conscious and provided me with tips but then, my mum was not full figured so her tips can only help as much. Reading teen magazines helped, too. It taught me other guidelines that I needed to know. But in the end, my mum's tips and magazines only gave me a general idea. It still boils down to using those tips as a base and giving them your own personal flavor to to develop one's personal style.
7. What challenges did you go through given this body type - with friends, finding what to wear, boys... etc.
When I was younger, everybody basically followed the low rise jeans + baby tee formula. Which, needless to say, did not fit my body type at all! That's what made me realize that I shouldn't just follow what everybody else is wearing. Another thing that that made me realize was how hard it actually was to find a good fitting pair of jeans. Thankfully boot cuts were making it back in the scene again, too.
I've always love shopping, so entering my teens was a great excuse to do more of that. It proved a bit tedious though, as the clothes and trends then leaned more towards the slim and petite. I couldn't wear most of them as it fitted me differently, thus the look didn't really come out as I imagined. It often left me frustrated and wishing I had less curves. But as I grew, observation taught me that Filipinas are naturally curvy, and I'm glad that the industry has finally acknowledged that by giving us more options. I'm so proud of how much our fashion industry has broadened since then.
8. How and what made you realize that having a voluptuous body is actually a blessing?
I think the appreciation comes as you mature. When I was younger, I used to consider it as my curse of curves. I just wanted none of it or as little of it as possible. I was still in the process of getting acquainted with my curves then, and figuring out how to 'deal' with them when my friends and I started going out to party. We'd always get dressed and made up in my room and occasionally trade clothes. Then the same thing occurred, only in reverse. My clothes fitted them differently, too. Then they voiced out that they wish they had the curves to fill out the dress like I do. That's when i finally saw the light and thought that 'hey,maybe this isn't so bad after all, no scratch that, this is actually kind of great!'
9. Any words of advice/wisdom for other girls with the same body type.
Embrace it. There's no other way to go about it. A curse, a blessing, perspective is relative. Its not what you have but what you do with it. Plus, how many women go through surgeries just to get what you naturally have? As a movie aptly put, real women have curves.
10. Describe your signature style.
Generally my style is eclectic, occasionally eccentric. It also depends on my mood and where I'm going. One rule I now follow though is the rule of opposites; boy meets girl, casual chic; Always match something flowy with something tailored. Complete this formula with chunky accessories and beautiful shoes. Don't leave home without it.
11. Who are you favorite style celebrities and why? Give one or two.
Top of mind comes Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. They're such guilty pleasures. They have different tastes but I can relate to both of them. They're one of the perfect examples of my style philosophy. I love how they create hybrid styles like mixing rock and roll with boho chic. Although they're fraternal twins, their style is one of the elements that instantly establishes them as individuals.
Another guilty pleasure would be Harajuku girls. And by Harajuku girls, I mean real, uber stylish girls that prowl the streets of Harajuku. They inspire me to be bold and different. Through them, I realized that fashion should be fun and expressive, inspiring even!
I say this as more than a part of our usual exchanges, casually thrown with such ease, but with heartfelt sincerity. Without you, I would be a far different person from who I am now, maybe even less.
That is why I feel that I owe you my honesty.
I feel disconnected to you lately. Cold. I would not use the "its not you, its me" (or vice versa) cliche, I have to much respect for it than that. Yes, it. Because we are more than you and me, but less than us. So I shall settle with it.
To say that I do not miss you would be a terrible lie. Whether we like it or not, we are a part of each other. Your presence is enough to make me feel that someday, I can be great, I am great. You challenge me and inspire me to be better. You remind me that the highest hurdle is the present me. And in order to succeed, I must surpass whoever I am today. Together, we are a force to be reckoned with, not invincible, but close enough. Together, we can conquer the universe.
I've been in a dilemma for 11 months now. 317 agonizing days of arguing with myself. Its been a tricky push-pull, on again, off again kind of thing, and I think the elastics holding me together is just about to snap and my bulb is just about to burn out. One month short of a year was enough to teach me that things happen, shit happens, it happens. Whether we mean for it to happen or not, the point still is, it has already happened and sometimes, we just can't help how we feel. I spend eleven months too long being apologetic for it. So now, I shall relish this moment, even just this once, to be honest with myself about how I feel towards it, towards everything.
Would feeling this way towards it make me a bad person? Would being just a little less apologetic for it make me worse? I don't know. But I do know one thing: that this is how I honestly feel.
I wanted to feel numb all this time. Ignoring the small, petty things, the slightly bigger ones that should matter, shoving them into one big "Forget File" I store at the dark, dark corners of my mind. It put up a fight, but I shoved it there until the pain, until everything, was swept under the rug. Then I waited, waited for the darkness to consume it until what remained was nothing more than a dull thudding ache.
I couldn't name it at first, counldn't fully talk about it without being vague. I feared that acknowledging it would only breathe into life the monsters in my head. And saying it out loud would only affirm its existence.
In the midst of my musing over this blog though, and alternately juggling it with my other accounts, it seems like the universe heard, and it has answered, and the medium? Need you even ask?
Facebook says: "you can't change the past, but you can change the way you feel about it"
I guess that made sense. I've always believed that instead of grieving for the things you cannot change, strive to improve the things you can. So instead of grieving for things that were and things that never were, I will just smile. Smile and love.
I believe, there is no such word as loved. Once you love something, you'll always love it, else, it was not love to begin with. Love is infinite, it can transform and evolve but not run out. Never run out. If you find yourself out of love, better check your pulse. Just to be sure.
I feel the only right way to end this entry is by saying
I Love You. Through and through.
Maybe a little different than how I did before, but the fact is, I still do.
