Showing posts with label real life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real life. Show all posts

Monday, April 11, 2011

Murder, She Wrote

Think before you kill your dreams with doubts.

There is little more tragic than seeing dreams die before they are even given the chance to materialize. Don't be the murderer of dreams, your own or other people's.

Remember, it always starts with a simple spark of faith. Believe!

xx

Monday, August 23, 2010

through the looking glass


She
looks at you
with eyes that dare
provoke
question

She
dares you to look
past beyond what you see
provoke your inner senses
question your reality

Is she really
what
you think you see?
What do you
see?


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

ALOHA!


By next week, I would be flying to Osaka to stay with my family for a month. Lately, I've been busy with tying loose ends to ensure everything is well before I leave. Getting the pieces I need for spring, seeing all of my friends (a lot of whom I haven't seen in a while), and sadly, leaving my job permanently. 

I believe we get in life what we have the courage to ask for. Sometimes though, we are required to make a decision to choose which we want more; occasionally, we come to a point in our lives where we question ourselves what we are willing to sacrifice in order to achieve our desires. 

As I bid my company farewell, I welcome with open arms Osaka and the new adventure that awaits!

So farewell, HIP; Hello, Osaka!


Friday, December 18, 2009

Just Do It :)

clickety click: who do you think you are?

My results:

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Monday, December 14, 2009

hushhh!



i wish i was blind sometimes
or deaf
then maybe it would spare me
from the sights i would rather not see
or words i would rather not hear
i value i have the gift of senses
but sometimes, just sometimes,
the promise of blissful ignorance
is oh so tempting

have you ever accidentally stumbled upon something
which you wish you didn't?
only, its too late too turn back
your curiosity is already one step ahead of you
and before you even realize,
Pandora's box has already been opened.

"curiosity killed the cat, but the cat has nine lives"


Monday, November 30, 2009

THE BABE BIRTHDAY BASH


birthday babes

missing V


the birthday babes eds, chowie and ikay with doll face kate and kaye

with shobe jinice whom we miss dearly

i love how my friends got together :)

red drum missing pirate, zero and spin

missing bienie and manage

that night we gorged on
almond financiers, hazelnut truffle tarts, and
red velvet and chai latte cupcakes
white cheese and mozzarella pizza

and got started on vodka and bacardi 151
got welcomed by absinthe
got high on patron tequila
finished with grey goose

received some interesting presents
which deserve a post of their own ;)

thanks to the boys and bitches that came
i had a sinfully good time ;)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It

Let me start by saying I Love You.

Fully, and with all honesty.

I say this as more than a part of our usual exchanges, casually thrown with such ease, but with heartfelt sincerity. Without you, I would be a far different person from who I am now, maybe even less.

That is why I feel that I owe you my honesty.

I feel disconnected to you lately. Cold. I would not use the "its not you, its me" (or vice versa) cliche, I have to much respect for it than that. Yes, it. Because we are more than you and me, but less than us. So I shall settle with it.

To say that I do not miss you would be a terrible lie. Whether we like it or not, we are a part of each other. Your presence is enough to make me feel that someday, I can be great, I am great. You challenge me and inspire me to be better. You remind me that the highest hurdle is the present me. And in order to succeed, I must surpass whoever I am today. Together, we are a force to be reckoned with, not invincible, but close enough. Together, we can conquer the universe.

I've been in a dilemma for 11 months now. 317 agonizing days of arguing with myself. Its been a tricky push-pull, on again, off again kind of thing, and I think the elastics holding me together is just about to snap and my bulb is just about to burn out. One month short of a year was enough to teach me that things happen, shit happens, it happens. Whether we mean for it to happen or not, the point still is, it has already happened and sometimes, we just can't help how we feel. I spend eleven months too long being apologetic for it. So now, I shall relish this moment, even just this once, to be honest with myself about how I feel towards it, towards everything.

Would feeling this way towards it make me a bad person? Would being just a little less apologetic for it make me worse? I don't know. But I do know one thing: that this is how I honestly feel.

I wanted to feel numb all this time. Ignoring the small, petty things, the slightly bigger ones that should matter, shoving them into one big "Forget File" I store at the dark, dark corners of my mind. It put up a fight, but I shoved it there until the pain, until everything, was swept under the rug. Then I waited, waited for the darkness to consume it until what remained was nothing more than a dull thudding ache.

I couldn't name it at first, counldn't fully talk about it without being vague. I feared that acknowledging it would only breathe into life the monsters in my head. And saying it out loud would only affirm its existence.

In the midst of my musing over this blog though, and alternately juggling it with my other accounts, it seems like the universe heard, and it has answered, and the medium? Need you even ask?

Facebook says:
"you can't change the past, but you can change the way you feel about it"

I guess that made sense. I've always believed that instead of grieving for the things you cannot change, strive to improve the things you can. So instead of grieving for things that were and things that never were, I will just smile. Smile and love.

I believe, there is no such word as loved. Once you love something, you'll always love it, else, it was not love to begin with. Love is infinite, it can transform and evolve but not run out. Never run out. If you find yourself out of love, better check your pulse. Just to be sure.

I feel the only right way to end this entry is by saying

I Love You.

Through and through.
Maybe a little different than how I did before, but the fact is, I still do.



Wednesday, October 21, 2009

word vomit


harsh words
and negative gossips
are like vomit
you can never swallow it back



Wednesday, October 14, 2009

disco.nnection.no.tice

Maybe its the sound of the rain softly pelting against the window.
Maybe its the way the chandelier bathed everything in a warm glow,
sharply contrasting against the chill brought by the weather.

Or maybe, its cause of something I saw which I just wish I didn't
coupled with this stupid song I have on repeat.



The grass withers

and the tears of the sky turn to ice

as our paths intertwine.


I tread carefully upon the floe,

Careful not to disrupt its fragile surface.

Underneath, the river's water rage.


On tipped toes, I danced around you.

A ballerina's routine.

Calm, composed, calculated.


The music mutes the audience

that comprises only of you

One drop and the spell is broken



Sometimes I want to just do as I please just to spite you.
But the thing is, I love you too much for that.



Tuesday, October 6, 2009

golden honey


Everybody knows that girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice.

But once upon a time,there was a spice shortage in girly land. So they had to make do and just added more everything nice and a jar of honey for that batch.

And out of that batch, came one little girl named Gold.

And no other name could've suited her more.

This Gold is not the luxurious kind of gold, encrusting precious stones and gems.This Gold is more like honey, all rich and warm.

The kind of honey you put on your tea
or drizzle generously on your pancakes on bright, sunshine-y mornings. The kind of Gold no sweet tooth like me can ever resist.

So when she asked for my help to pick out a dress for her brother's wedding I was only too happy to oblige. :)

Don't fret, precious: "Am i really wearing this?"

Meet Gold, or Goldie, to me and Dalton.She really wanted to be pretty for her brother's wedding. So we opted for a dress :)


"My first dress in a long while"

Receiving gratitude from another person is always a wonderful reward.But getting to see her eyes light up when we found the perfect dress was another high all together.


Gold with her now sister - in - law
getting prepped up for the wedding.

photo credits: Shaira Luna

Having the opportunity of helping a genuinely nice person like Gold gave me a glimpse of what it must feel like to be a fairy godmother.


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Dust Gatherers


Forgetfulness

Forgetfulness and selfishness.

I think the problem with people is that they tend to forget. They forget and yet are too selfish for their own good.

Why do people always feel the incessant, needless urge to to stake claim? Why must we label the things we enjoy, cherish, adore, lust after, the things that make us happy as ours? Can we not find contentment in having to have experienced it?

Everything in this world is temporary and borrowed; but most of the time, we forget. We forget because we are too preoccupied with scheming and planning on how we make it ours and stake claim.

But after that, then what?

Another stripe

Another notch on the bedpost

Another frame on the wall.

Then you move on, another conquest awaits.

And the apple of your eye then turn into just another dust gatherer, waiting, lurking, in the dark corners of your room.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Au Revoir, Aout

Dearest August,

You came and went.

You took along with you a lolo and a friend.

You came in and gave me good byes,

but you brought along some new beginnings, too.

Is this what you're teaching me, August, independence and letting go?

Thank you for being generous enough to throw in some courage, too.

I needed that.

Now that you've passed and left me at September's hands,

would it be such a bother to ask for a bit more Courage... or maybe lots, if you can help it.

xo,

Eds




Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Continental Drift Theory


Photographer: Mark Squires

According to the Continental Drift Theory by Alfred Wagener, the earth's continents were once joined in a super continent called Pangaea (all earth). Over a vast period of time, the super continent started to break apart, and drift from each other, thus creating the seven continents we now have.

People in a way are like continents, and friendships or maybe relationships in general, experience something like a continental drift. 

Tides apart, you are Asia, and I, Oceania. 


The only thing worse that deafening silence is awkward small talk - H.Reina
Photographer: Steve Meisel for W magazine

The said cause of the drift was the expansion of the ocean floor which resulted in the movement of tectonic plates. The continents that existed on the plates then started to break and drift apart as a result of the changing ocean floor. The movement of tectonic plates then caused earthquakes on continents. To this day, certain parts of the continents continue to manifest tiny, barely noticeable movements.

Like the earth, people adapt and change; forged by time, by fate, by the universe. They cope, recover and move on; and if they're strong enough, transcend.

 There were no earth shattering arguments, no eruptions of temper. Awkward attempts at small talk in the dark now replace our wordless conversations of mutual understanding. I would have preferred  silence to seep in to fill the void laughter left. It would've broken my heart less. 
We were carried away by the same tides that brought us together. I would swim to you more than half way through, but it seems like my limbs have forgotten how. Now, I find solace at the thought that we are still connected by the same tides that separate us.

Photographer: Bruno Dayan

The Continental Drift Theory was not widely accepted till the 1960s when fossils found mainly from the outskirts of continents show the same species. Mineral specimens along the supposed break lines were nearly identical as well further proving the theory that it was once part of a whole.
Even after relationships wane, people leave imprints on other people's lives; or at least one can hope as much. A memory is not just a date or a place, its a feeling, a part of yourself that you choose to share with another. A memory is a part of two persons joined then equally shared. May it be tears of triumph or anguish, a burden shared and surpassed, or even something simple as a shared secret smile, a part of it remains with you, and part of it, with the other.

Our shores have drifted far apart, yet the waves that hug yours and mine are the same. Your shore and mine are of the same sand, and above us is one sky.

Another idea is that the continents are again moving towards each other.  The tiny, barely noticeable movements the continents are now making shall someday lead to the reunion of the continents and thus, Pangaea shall be reborn.

People in a way are like continents, constantly changing, evolving with time, and always under construction. They break, drift and heal.

People in a way are like continents, and friendships or maybe relationships in general, experience something like a continental drift.  They slowly, maybe unconsciously drift  apart, experience unstable grounds, get shaken by earth quakes and just as slowly as they drifted apart, find their way back and share the same shores. 

As the warm water gently laps at my feet, I pray yours are as warm and inviting. We shall weather each quake, each storm, together and apart. And I shall wait patiently for the tide that brought us together and the tide that now separate us to be the very same tide to reunite us someday. 


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

An Affair to Remember


Yesterday was one of the two days any 9-5 (well, 7 in my case) worker bee looks forward to every month. Yep, payday! So to treat myself but still not break my anti-splurging rule, (cause somebody got carried away last time buying 3 pairs of shoes,) I decided to visit Book Sale at the local mall near my office. I treated myself to an issue of Nylon which surprisingly came dirt cheap, and two issues of Vogue which featured two of the actresses I like, the juicy Blake Lively and the sensuous Rachel Weisz.  


Blake Lively for American Vogue
Photographed by: Steve Meisel

I've only browsed the American Vogue so far which I got only because I stumbled upon the issue's fashion spread which had this: 
(I got reprimanded the other day for wearing shorts to work. 
One of these days I'm gonna knock their socks of by wearing something like this to work. 
Ah, shall reserve further rant for another post)

But before I further get side tracked, what prompted this entry is an article called "An Affair to Remember" which was an article about life after divorce. It was almost like a classic case of a break up, with a third party involved, but less cruel and more romantic (if there is such a thing) than the average everyday infidelity case. 

Well, without further ado, I bring to you some excerpts:

"I think he fell in love with someone better suited to him and went for it. it was a bold move. Brazen. Who leaves their family? Who leaves their perfectly nice, perfectly smart mother of his children? Who dares to break the norm? It broke apart our family. It ruined happiness."

"It was painfully easy to see when your husband is in love with someone else. One day in late September I caught them having tea and discussing her work. Though they weren't lying naked in bed, there was an undeniable intimacy between them. "

"I'm sorry, he said. He looked at me, and it was that look. The look of someone who is hurting you, but who also loves you. Its the look that keeps me from hating him even though that's what you're supposed to do when your husband leaves you. I just think life is complicated and people are so different and incomprehensible. He didn't want to hurt me, he didn't want to hurt the children, but he was doing it anyway for reasons I still don't fully understand. "

"I believe in love. I believe in hard times and love winning. I believe marriage is hard. I believe people make mistakes. I believe people can make two things at once. I believe people are selfish and generous at the same time.  I believe very few people want to hurt others. I believe that life can surprise you. I believe in happy endings. "

"When you have children and your husband leaves you, two things happen: You become a mess and the strongest woman alive at the same time."

What the author went through gave me the image of painstakingly building a tower of cards, only for it to be tumbled down by a friendly gust of wind. Life is unpredictable like that. But what matters is not how long it takes for you to put the tower of cards back together but the willingness to do it all over again. 

In the end, after struggling for acceptance, the author found happiness in the form of another divorcee and made a new life. She, together with her two sons from her first marriage and her new spouse and his daughter make a family of five.  To this day, the author remains in good terms with her husband and his new spouse. 

Just like Love, Forgiveness can happen and people move on. Every house is a universe, and a family, a new culture all on its own.

And before I end this post, I shall impart you with these thoughts:

"I'd rather light a candle than curse the darkness"
-Adlai Stevenson

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

the product of stress


my previous boss called me today and i didn't have the guts to answer. i no longer officially work for him, i still do some freelance jobs for him occasionally. though he's no longer my boss, i can't help but feel pressured whenever i receive a call or text from him. probably because i can still see his face and hear his no-bullshit voice speaking in my head.

when i feel stressed, i feel the need to preoccupy myself with something, and that 'something' eventually led to his:

prim and purple
abobe photoshop cs4

this is for my friend S
who i think needs some cheering up.


Thursday, July 9, 2009

under the knife




so, which do you think suit me best? haha 

playing around with mac photo booth



Thursday, July 2, 2009

It's Friday, I'm In Love

Missing friday lunch dates...

Friday Lunch Bunch by: Moi
markers on graphing paper

I don't care if Monday's black
Tuesday, Wednesday heart attack
Thursday never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love
- THE CURE

When i was still a student, 
I didn't see why there was something to be thankful about Fridays. 
 Saturdays are so much better.
But now that I'm working, 
waking up on a Friday feels like getting a glimpse of a finish line.
After running a week's worth of work, 
Friday is the finish line and the upcoming weekend is always the reward.






Monday, June 29, 2009

Au revoir Ete, Bonjour Saison des Pluies!


T & E

Kiss your kismet summer Au Revoire~

We'll always have this Summer :)

p.s. ever wonder why mac-whoring is so damn addictive?



Sunday, June 28, 2009

PARTIED AND HUNG

here is a very, very good advice:
never ever drink: cuervo + gilbey's green tea + bacardi + absolut + patron tequila
all in one night
else, you will find yourself hung over the following morning
and singing this song all day the following day:



ooh, and is that chelsea from girlicious i spy? apparently, it is! i have a soft spot for that girl...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

PU.RE.ZEN.TO



how long does the present last?


how can we say that we live in the present?

how long does the present last?


if remembering means living in the past

and dreaming means living in the future,

is there anyone left in the present?

then nobody can ever really live in the present, i suppose.

we can live in memories, in dreams

i guess we live in the present through moments.

live for the moment.