After A While

After A While

Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn’t mean leaning

and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren’t contracts

and presents aren’t promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman,

not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn…

through the looking glass

She
looks at you
with eyes that dare
provoke
question

She
dares you to look
past beyond what you see
provoke your inner senses
question your reality

Is she really
what
you think you see?
What do you
see?

history 101

They were seatmates in history of art.

It was the first time she saw him.

Probably a senior, she thought.

The only conversation they ever had was when he came late and asked if he missed anything important.

she wanted to say: me!

One of the things she observed about him though was his unhealthy obsession with his headphones (Dr.Dre, total music junkie, she concluded).

He was never without it, like its an extension of his body.

When the professor wasn't talking, it was always glued to his ears.

So out of boredom, she developed an unhealthy habit of talking to herself. Out loud. In front of him.

Well technically, beside him, but lets not get picky here.

Besides, its not as if he hears.

So one time, she was saying something about him being too ...

Did his face just twitch?

She just dismissed it as maybe his ear phones had a glitch. (serves him right! she thought.)

But before she left at the end of the class,

he called her name.

Maybe she should stop living off energy drinks to stay awake. It didn't say it included hallucinations as a side effect...

"Hey, for the record, I'm not gay. And I actually do like rock music too. There's a cool band playing on the fifth and I've got two tickets.

Her face remained puzzled

"Huh?" was all she managed to say.

Great, how intelligible.

Yes this is me asking you out. Is that you saying yes?

Sunday Afternoon Nostalgia

The weather reminded me of you today, and feelings I thought were long forgotten.

Sunday afternoons were one of my favorites then. Only because Sunday meant tomorrow is Monday (and as much as I cringe at the memory), Monday was my favorite day. Monday meant the start of the 5 days I get to see you after the day is through. Week by week, you made me fall in love, in tears, in small smiles, in the giddy feeling a mere sight of you gives. I just could not get enough.

But life continues and we move on. My fixation for you slowly diminished. Every once in a while I would still hear something about you, and I would always still smile of fondness. Your memories now remind me of how easy it is to fall in love with an idea. For that was really all there was. It was not really you that I fell in love with, but the idea of you that I have in my head. I guess I can always credit my folly to my youth and vanity. But I refuse to write you off as a mere illusion nor taint your memory with regret. The you that I fell in love with might only be born out of my ideals, but it doesn't make how I felt any less real.

It is so deceivingly easy to mistake infatuation and severe fondness for love. But I guess if I can still remember the feelings I felt towards you then as sharply as I do now, maybe, just maybe, it might have been love after all...

ALOHA!

By next week, I would be flying to Osaka to stay with my family for a month. Lately, I've been busy with tying loose ends to ensure everything is well before I leave. Getting the pieces I need for spring, seeing all of my friends (a lot of whom I haven't seen in a while), and sadly, leaving my job permanently. 

I believe we get in life what we have the courage to ask for. Sometimes though, we are required to make a decision to choose which we want more; occasionally, we come to a point in our lives where we question ourselves what we are willing to sacrifice in order to achieve our desires. 

As I bid my company farewell, I welcome with open arms Osaka and the new adventure that awaits!

So farewell, HIP; Hello, Osaka!