Date a Girl Who Reads

Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

(In Response to Charles Warnke’s You Should Date An Illiterate Girl.)

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

After A While

After A While

Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn’t mean leaning

and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren’t contracts

and presents aren’t promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman,

not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn…

Sunday Afternoon Nostalgia

The weather reminded me of you today, and feelings I thought were long forgotten.

Sunday afternoons were one of my favorites then. Only because Sunday meant tomorrow is Monday (and as much as I cringe at the memory), Monday was my favorite day. Monday meant the start of the 5 days I get to see you after the day is through. Week by week, you made me fall in love, in tears, in small smiles, in the giddy feeling a mere sight of you gives. I just could not get enough.

But life continues and we move on. My fixation for you slowly diminished. Every once in a while I would still hear something about you, and I would always still smile of fondness. Your memories now remind me of how easy it is to fall in love with an idea. For that was really all there was. It was not really you that I fell in love with, but the idea of you that I have in my head. I guess I can always credit my folly to my youth and vanity. But I refuse to write you off as a mere illusion nor taint your memory with regret. The you that I fell in love with might only be born out of my ideals, but it doesn't make how I felt any less real.

It is so deceivingly easy to mistake infatuation and severe fondness for love. But I guess if I can still remember the feelings I felt towards you then as sharply as I do now, maybe, just maybe, it might have been love after all...

HAPPY!

HAPPY! maiden issue 2009

Guess who's in it?

click picture for a bigger image

the 411:

1. Full Name: Edellyn Villegas Amba

2. Nickname: Eds

3. Occupation: Artist

4. Age: 21

5. Did you always have this full figure? 

Yes, right off the bat when puberty hit, haha.

6. What was your childhood like with this figure? 

It felt like I was waiting for my normal body parts to arrive. I think everybody feels like that during puberty. Adapting to the physical changes is already a challenge but suddenly having enhanced curves in certain areas is,well, something else all together. When it came to choosing clothes, it helped that my mum was fashion conscious and provided me with tips but then, my mum was not full figured so her tips can only help as much. Reading teen magazines helped, too. It taught me other guidelines that I needed to know. But in the end, my mum's tips and magazines only gave me a general idea. It still boils down to using those tips as a base and giving them your own personal flavor to to develop one's personal style.

7. What challenges did you go through given this body type - with friends, finding what to wear, boys... etc.

When I was younger, everybody basically followed the low rise jeans + baby tee formula. Which, needless to say, did not fit my body type at all! That's what made me realize that I shouldn't just follow what everybody else is wearing. Another thing that that made me realize was how hard it actually was to find a good fitting pair of jeans. Thankfully boot cuts were making it back in the scene again, too. 

I've always love shopping, so entering my teens was a great excuse to do more of that. It proved a bit tedious though, as  the clothes and trends then leaned more towards the slim and petite. I couldn't wear most of them as it fitted me differently, thus the look didn't really come out as I imagined. It often left me frustrated and wishing I had less curves. But as I grew, observation taught me that Filipinas are naturally curvy, and I'm glad that the industry has finally acknowledged that by giving us more options. I'm so proud of how much our fashion industry has broadened since then.

8. How and what made you realize that having a voluptuous body is actually a blessing?

I think the appreciation comes as you mature. When I was younger, I used to consider it as my curse of curves. I just wanted none of it or as little of it as possible. I was still in the process of getting acquainted with my curves then, and figuring out how to 'deal' with them when my friends and I started going out to party. We'd always get dressed and made up in my room and occasionally trade clothes. Then the same thing occurred, only in reverse. My clothes fitted them differently, too. Then they voiced out that they wish they had the curves to fill out the dress like I do. That's when i finally saw the light and thought that 'hey,maybe this isn't so bad after all, no scratch that, this is actually kind of great!' 

9. Any words of advice/wisdom for other girls with the same body type.

Embrace it. There's no other way to go about it. A curse, a blessing, perspective is relative. Its not what you have but what you do with it. Plus, how many women go through surgeries just to get what you naturally have? As a movie aptly put, real women have curves.

10. Describe your signature style.

Generally my style is eclectic, occasionally eccentric. It also depends on my mood and where I'm going. One rule I now follow though is the rule of opposites; boy meets girl, casual chic; Always match something flowy with something tailored. Complete this formula with chunky accessories and beautiful shoes. Don't leave home without it.

11. Who are you favorite style celebrities and why? Give one or two.

Top of mind comes Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. They're such guilty pleasures. They have different tastes but I can relate to both of them. They're one of the perfect examples of my style philosophy. I love how they create hybrid styles like mixing rock and roll with boho chic. Although they're fraternal twins, their style is one of the elements that instantly establishes them as individuals.  

Another guilty pleasure would be Harajuku girls. And by Harajuku girls, I mean real, uber stylish girls that prowl the streets of Harajuku. They inspire me to be bold and different. Through them, I realized that fashion should be fun and expressive, inspiring even!

xo,

eds <3

It

Let me start by saying I Love You.

Fully, and with all honesty.

I say this as more than a part of our usual exchanges, casually thrown with such ease, but with heartfelt sincerity. Without you, I would be a far different person from who I am now, maybe even less.

That is why I feel that I owe you my honesty.

I feel disconnected to you lately. Cold. I would not use the "its not you, its me" (or vice versa) cliche, I have to much respect for it than that. Yes, it. Because we are more than you and me, but less than us. So I shall settle with it.

To say that I do not miss you would be a terrible lie. Whether we like it or not, we are a part of each other. Your presence is enough to make me feel that someday, I can be great, I am great. You challenge me and inspire me to be better. You remind me that the highest hurdle is the present me. And in order to succeed, I must surpass whoever I am today. Together, we are a force to be reckoned with, not invincible, but close enough. Together, we can conquer the universe.

I've been in a dilemma for 11 months now. 317 agonizing days of arguing with myself. Its been a tricky push-pull, on again, off again kind of thing, and I think the elastics holding me together is just about to snap and my bulb is just about to burn out. One month short of a year was enough to teach me that things happen, shit happens, it happens. Whether we mean for it to happen or not, the point still is, it has already happened and sometimes, we just can't help how we feel. I spend eleven months too long being apologetic for it. So now, I shall relish this moment, even just this once, to be honest with myself about how I feel towards it, towards everything.

Would feeling this way towards it make me a bad person? Would being just a little less apologetic for it make me worse? I don't know. But I do know one thing: that this is how I honestly feel.

I wanted to feel numb all this time. Ignoring the small, petty things, the slightly bigger ones that should matter, shoving them into one big "Forget File" I store at the dark, dark corners of my mind. It put up a fight, but I shoved it there until the pain, until everything, was swept under the rug. Then I waited, waited for the darkness to consume it until what remained was nothing more than a dull thudding ache.

I couldn't name it at first, counldn't fully talk about it without being vague. I feared that acknowledging it would only breathe into life the monsters in my head. And saying it out loud would only affirm its existence.

In the midst of my musing over this blog though, and alternately juggling it with my other accounts, it seems like the universe heard, and it has answered, and the medium? Need you even ask?

Facebook says: "you can't change the past, but you can change the way you feel about it"

I guess that made sense. I've always believed that instead of grieving for the things you cannot change, strive to improve the things you can. So instead of grieving for things that were and things that never were, I will just smile. Smile and love.

I believe, there is no such word as loved. Once you love something, you'll always love it, else, it was not love to begin with. Love is infinite, it can transform and evolve but not run out. Never run out. If you find yourself out of love, better check your pulse. Just to be sure.

I feel the only right way to end this entry is by saying

I Love You.

Through and through.

Maybe a little different than how I did before, but the fact is, I still do.

sketch

There is no means of testing which decision is better,
because there is no basis for comparison.
We live everything as it comes, without warning,
like an actor growing on cold.
And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?
That is why life is always like a sketch.
No, "sketch" is not quite the word,
because a sketch is an outline of something,
the groundwork for a picture,
whereas the sketch that is our life is a sketch for nothing,
an outline with no picture.

- an excerpt from Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being

a secret about a secret

Photograph by: Inez van Lam Sweerde

a photograph

is a secret

about a secret

the more it tells you,

the less you know

- Diane Arbus

The Continental Drift Theory

Photographer: Mark Squires

According to the Continental Drift Theory by Alfred Wagener, the earth's continents were once joined in a super continent called Pangaea (all earth). Over a vast period of time, the super continent started to break apart, and drift from each other, thus creating the seven continents we now have.

People in a way are like continents, and friendships or maybe relationships in general, experience something like a continental drift. 

Tides apart, you are Asia, and I, Oceania. 

The only thing worse that deafening silence is awkward small talk - H.Reina

Photographer: Steve Meisel for W magazine

The said cause of the drift was the expansion of the ocean floor which resulted in the movement of tectonic plates. The continents that existed on the plates then started to break and drift apart as a result of the changing ocean floor. The movement of tectonic plates then caused earthquakes on continents. To this day, certain parts of the continents continue to manifest tiny, barely noticeable movements.

Like the earth, people adapt and change; forged by time, by fate, by the universe. They cope, recover and move on; and if they're strong enough, transcend.

 There were no earth shattering arguments, no eruptions of temper. Awkward attempts at small talk in the dark now replace our wordless conversations of mutual understanding. I would have preferred  silence to seep in to fill the void laughter left. It would've broken my heart less. 

We were carried away by the same tides that brought us together. I would swim to you more than half way through, but it seems like my limbs have forgotten how. Now, I find solace at the thought that we are still connected by the same tides that separate us.

Photographer: Bruno Dayan

The Continental Drift Theory was not widely accepted till the 1960s when fossils found mainly from the outskirts of continents show the same species. Mineral specimens along the supposed break lines were nearly identical as well further proving the theory that it was once part of a whole.

Even after relationships wane, people leave imprints on other people's lives; or at least one can hope as much. A memory is not just a date or a place, its a feeling, a part of yourself that you choose to share with another. A memory is a part of two persons joined then equally shared. May it be tears of triumph or anguish, a burden shared and surpassed, or even something simple as a shared secret smile, a part of it remains with you, and part of it, with the other.

Our shores have drifted far apart, yet the waves that hug yours and mine are the same. Your shore and mine are of the same sand, and above us is one sky.

Another idea is that the continents are again moving towards each other.  The tiny, barely noticeable movements the continents are now making shall someday lead to the reunion of the continents and thus, Pangaea shall be reborn.

People in a way are like continents, constantly changing, evolving with time, and always under construction. They break, drift and heal.

People in a way are like continents, and friendships or maybe relationships in general, experience something like a continental drift.  They slowly, maybe unconsciously drift  apart, experience unstable grounds, get shaken by earth quakes and just as slowly as they drifted apart, find their way back and share the same shores. 

As the warm water gently laps at my feet, I pray yours are as warm and inviting. We shall weather each quake, each storm, together and apart. And I shall wait patiently for the tide that brought us together and the tide that now separate us to be the very same tide to reunite us someday. 

An Affair to Remember

Yesterday was one of the two days any 9-5 (well, 7 in my case) worker bee looks forward to every month. Yep, payday! So to treat myself but still not break my anti-splurging rule, (cause somebody got carried away last time buying 3 pairs of shoes,) I decided to visit Book Sale at the local mall near my office. I treated myself to an issue of Nylon which surprisingly came dirt cheap, and two issues of Vogue which featured two of the actresses I like, the juicy Blake Lively and the sensuous Rachel Weisz.  

Blake Lively for American Vogue

Photographed by: Steve Meisel

I've only browsed the American Vogue so far which I got only because I stumbled upon the issue's fashion spread which had this: 

(I got reprimanded the other day for wearing shorts to work. 

One of these days I'm gonna knock their socks of by wearing something like this to work. 

Ah, shall reserve further rant for another post)

But before I further get side tracked, what prompted this entry is an article called "An Affair to Remember" which was an article about life after divorce. It was almost like a classic case of a break up, with a third party involved, but less cruel and more romantic (if there is such a thing) than the average everyday infidelity case. 

Well, without further ado, I bring to you some excerpts:

"I think he fell in love with someone better suited to him and went for it. it was a bold move. Brazen. Who leaves their family? Who leaves their perfectly nice, perfectly smart mother of his children? Who dares to break the norm? It broke apart our family. It ruined happiness."

"It was painfully easy to see when your husband is in love with someone else. One day in late September I caught them having tea and discussing her work. Though they weren't lying naked in bed, there was an undeniable intimacy between them. "

"I'm sorry, he said. He looked at me, and it was that look. The look of someone who is hurting you, but who also loves you. Its the look that keeps me from hating him even though that's what you're supposed to do when your husband leaves you. I just think life is complicated and people are so different and incomprehensible. He didn't want to hurt me, he didn't want to hurt the children, but he was doing it anyway for reasons I still don't fully understand. "

"I believe in love. I believe in hard times and love winning. I believe marriage is hard. I believe people make mistakes. I believe people can make two things at once. I believe people are selfish and generous at the same time.  I believe very few people want to hurt others. I believe that life can surprise you. I believe in happy endings. "

"When you have children and your husband leaves you, two things happen: You become a mess and the strongest woman alive at the same time."

What the author went through gave me the image of painstakingly building a tower of cards, only for it to be tumbled down by a friendly gust of wind. Life is unpredictable like that. But what matters is not how long it takes for you to put the tower of cards back together but the willingness to do it all over again. 

In the end, after struggling for acceptance, the author found happiness in the form of another divorcee and made a new life. She, together with her two sons from her first marriage and her new spouse and his daughter make a family of five.  To this day, the author remains in good terms with her husband and his new spouse. 

Just like Love, Forgiveness can happen and people move on. Every house is a universe, and a family, a new culture all on its own.

And before I end this post, I shall impart you with these thoughts:

"I'd rather light a candle than curse the darkness"

-Adlai Stevenson

chilled to the bones

(aren't these gorgeous?)

"Sticks and stones are hard on bones, aimed with angry art, words can sting like anything but silence breaks the heart."

--  Phyllis McGinley

The Ferry and The Traveler

The Ferry and Traveler
Manhae Han Yong-un 1879~1944

I am the ferry
You are the traveler

You tread on me with muddy feet
I embrace you and cross the waters
I embrace you and cross the deep, shallow, and
raging torrents

If you do not come, I will face the winds and bear the
snow and rain waiting for you from night ‘til morn

If you cross the waters, you won’t even glance back
at me and go,
But I know that you will come some day
While I wait for you, day by day, I grow
older

I am the ferry
You are the traveler

the key to my heart

Featured Artist of the Month: Rob Ryan of Rob-Ryan

(click to view larger)

Keys

Paper Cut outs by: Rob Ryan

the key to my heart forgives and trusts

the key to my heart does not judge or hate

the key to my heart has hope that is indestructible

the key to my heart lies asleep, buried deep dreaming of you

the key to my heart will one day be used

but only by you.

Another artist I discovered while blog surfing over breakfast with Dalton. (I find that this has been one of my current addictions. Dalton swears she can just do this all day.) I love how his works can come across as intricate yet simple. The words written on each artwork are straight forward and  poignant, creating a beautiful contrast with the silhouettes. 

His artworks bring me a feeling of nostalgia and remind me of 'old school' romance. Definitely one of my current inspirations :)

An example of his more intricate works:

(click to view larger)

Big Night

Paper Cut outs by: Rob Ryan

W e don't fly north, we don't fly south. 

We stay put right here, year in - year out!

the seasons change faster

and the months go by quicker

i'll keep watch over you

and i know that you'll keep watch over me.

The Velveteen Rabbit

The Velveteen Rabbit
an excerpt
by: Margery Williamson

"What is real?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.

"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?"

"Real isn't how you're made," said the Skin Horse. "Its a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with but really loves you, then you become real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real, you don't mind being hurt."

...Once you are Real you can't be ugly, except for people who don't understand